they said “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”

Not all people can handle rejections so well. At least not me. I always admire people that can handle that smoothly without letting themselves feel down and self-hating. I learn to be courageous. Something that i never done before. I thought “what the heck, i’m young and stupid, might as well do it”. And imagining when i am old, i can look back to all the mistakes i have done, and laugh at it. I want to live my life without leaving any questions marks about things. Some people said, “you can be as crazy as you want, as long as you know how and when to stop”. I have always been a save player, and since i was 23, I started daring myself. Started to use my heart instead of my head. Since then i rise and fall. I am living, yet dying at the same time. i feel so many things that i have never imagine before, even i don’t know that i actually can feel that. I know my capability now. I see people with my heart now. I am being stupid now. I don’t know what i want now, just living for today, yet trying to make the most out of it. I can feel happy and complete now, but feel miserable and empty just two hours from now. I could cry now, but laugh of joy an hour later. I could love someone now, and hate them after half an hour.

As for the rejections, it’s too much for me to handle. I am not so fond of myself at the moment. Desperate and pathetic. But at least i’m doing something. At least i don’t sit back and wait anymore. At least i learn something. And guess what, i’m still hoping for a best ending later on. They said “what doesn’t kill you will makes you stronger”. I am still questioning that quote. Is it true? or just merely a quote for desperate people to prevent them from killing themselves? I have my ups and downs, all people do. Today is my downs, but i’m still hoping and make efforts to find my ups, for tomorrow.

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